I will live to regret, yet another day

I chose to break the friendship. My jealousy is too strong, it's not acceptable. It will ruin the friendship, and there's no way i can be just friends with her.

I look at myself from that day i took her innocence away. "Can i touch you", echoed in my head as she i was reminded by the words i asked her. I broke the meaning of love before it could ever begin. Nor can did my actions of trying to love her turned things around. Blackmailing came. And that was it. I let my selfish emotions get me by. I was lost.

Now, she found someone, i'm crying over spilt milk. I would love to think i loved her more than anything, but i know nothing would justify that for all the negative things i did. If only life is about giving a second chance, i wish i could turn things around, yet it seems impossible.

Everyday, it's like a mission. To win her heart again. Now that it's over, what's more to it. Does she really matter to me so much in life? Yes.

I'll miss her forever. I will. And she's the only one that i will truly love as my life comes to an end soon.

If she needs me, she would have find me. Stop me, and tell me that she believe in second chances. That's impossible. I'm not needed anymore. I'm a old rusty fella, what good would i be to her?

I Shall See It Differently

As I committed myself back to God's kingdom, there are lots of things that i feel that i need to change to be a better person. But now, as i was heading home, i thought about this cold war between me and Alica.

Why so serious? I laughed at it and ask if things can be resolved. It takes to hands to clap for something to go wrong, but it will only end up with one submitting to make ends meet. In this case, I've always been the one having to submit though i feel at times, i was being misunderstood.

What stops me from submitting is that i feel that things are unfair. I feel that there's this grudge and i always forget that when one gives, he/she can't expect anything in return. I always feel disappointed when things i wish happen just because i worked hard for it to help my friends, i never got that treatment back.

Sometimes, i do feel like i'm alone in this world. My own problems to shoulder, and sharing with others is something at times, i need to. But as i share, i slowly watch these 'friends' abandon me.

I hope God will open my heart to change for the better. That my life will move on and that He will taste my faith through various obstacles in life.

I'm grateful for being given a chance to go back to God through His people at City Mission Church. Thank you Grace. (if you're reading this).

The New Chapter Begins

Would like to thank Grace for welcoming me to her disciple class that begins at 9am to 5pm. Just realised, it's like normal school hours.

I was completely moved by the way they spend their saturdays worshipping God and sharing testimonies. The members made me feel very welcome, thus, I feel really comfortable socialising with them.
I did ponder, looking at my own past. Recently, I show less importance in the definition of friendship. Was i upset? Yes. Do i have a choice to salvage it? Yes, but I don't see a need to if one refuses to look how I try to be concern. You know what? I realised that there was a short message about being either a mocker or a wiseman.

Proverbs 9:7-9
7“Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.
8Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

9Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.


How true is that? I guess it does reflects alot to me and perhaps everyone else.
Start dwelling on this, to that person of the broken friendship.

The faces of a Singaporean

I'm so irked by a situation that drove me to blog.

Entitled, "The many faces of a Singaporean". I'm a Singaporean myself, but somehow, there are some things that people just do that makes us hate being part of this country.

We all know about the Ris Low story... Oh yeah, she dethroned herself because she was exposed to a credit card fraud, but what seems to be the big hoo-ha here is the way she speaks. Oh please, I've heard many Singaporeans speak like that. So what position are they in to justify that she can't speak good english? What's worse is picking on the slightest that she got good grades for her english. Instead of just ending it, netizens (your typical singaporean known as keyboard warriors) just want to worsen the issue.

Insulting her, creating videos of her and posting on youtube, even the national media is making fun of her. Which is utterly disgraceful... Singapore media... Hopeless.

What i find contradicting is putting this situation. The Yellow Ribbon Project.
It is a campaign to support criminals who were behind bars and are prepared to seek for a job. Second chance huh? Forgiven huh? Well, now lets drag this into the situation that Ris Low will probably be in. A criminal for the credit card fraud... Second chance? Not given. Forgiven? No, more humiliation. So when is enough is enough?

I have to say, why are some people just so selfless that all they care is about entertaining themselves when the other party is being torn apart? Is this the character of a Singaporean? Honestly? Cos if is, then I'm not proud to be a Singaporean.

With all the fucking 'booms' taunts which show one's lack of maturity, and video, i don't think you're any better. You've just proven to the world how immature you are. It's time you wake up your idea and get on with life that probably matters more to you adding salt to the wounded.

Revolves

This whole week was a busy but nonetheless, a good week.
Despite having to serve in a function at Charcoal, the performance was well tasked and we did really well. It's our first time handling a large group of 64 to 81 from monday to friday. SMU students. Through it, we learnt alot, and am glad that the SFTs and manager on shift helped us alot and were patient with us.

I've been considering if i should apply for SFT at Charcoal.
Despite the negative responses i get when i asked what it's like, i want to take a look at it in a different aspect.

I will get a chance to do internships at hotel if i continue on to a diploma level. Which i've always intended to since i stepped into Shatec. Knowing this is only a Cert course, i've looked at it as a stepping stone. And if i apply for the SFT position, i'll be able to gain adequate knowledge on how a normal restaurant is being run...

Yes, getting an internship at hotels are honorable. But what will you experience there? Rumors has it that you'll be treated just like another person. Treatment won't be good. It kinda explain that there are highs and lows to whichever path we take. Applying for hotel, as prestigious as it may sound like, at the end of the day, it's about how it builds your character. I believe that doing my intern at Charcoal will give me more exposure and gain leadership skills.

Everything is done with risk taken. Even applying for a hotel doesn't gurantee you anything. Not at this moment.

From Nothing to Something

I didn't know what to do today. Didn't feel like going for the steamboat today cos i wanted to save money. I've planned out what to spend on and what not to. And i decided that i should collect my 'Kalmah' shirt from Chan (Inokii)... Been there for 2 months.

On my way there, Rachel, my long time friend that i've never met in reality but virtually, she texted me that she's going to inokii as well cos her friend wants to collect her Austrian Death Machine cd.

Met them at a much later time, nice people. :) And was glad to make new friends just like that.

Bump into Xiao Hui whom i knew back then when i was attending CHC. Had a short conversation of 1 minute cos she got to head home. But it was a nice sweet conversation. When i spoke to her, my heart didn't boil just because she's from City Harvest... Oh well... It was all calm.

1st week of attachment ended, 2nd week starting next week. So yeah... Am prepared.

Today is a good day

A better day today.
Was worried that i have to do 'Waiter' position today. But at the end, it was really good. Keeps me occupied to a point that i didn't realise the time. It's not that bad at Charcoal, can survive.

A customer praised me for doing a good job, and i guess it kinda boost my morale. And am glad to help around, including doing the captain's job.

Thank you Zining for sharing this amazing and beautiful short film, Validation.



READERS, WATCH IT!